I am grateful for every day. Period. Everyday there is something to make me smile and remind me that I live a magical life. But, I am not beyond feeling depressed and at times getting caught up in the anxiety and stress that come from an ordinary life. This week, yesterday in particular, challenged my usually cheery demeanor. Yesterday I put myself to bed, very early, just to avoid feeling down.
You see, on Wednesday I went in for a biopsy of a mass that was discovered in my right breast. Up to the point when the procedure started, I felt great. A needle aspiration, no problem, just a cyst, I'll know when I leave the doctor and that will be that. Bunkey and I would have lunch afterwards, perhaps we will shop, it will be a good day. And it was.
But, I wasn't scheduled for a needle aspiration, it was a core tissue biopsy. How had I missed that? The cute green pants they made me wear, they are designed to keep blood off the street clothes, seriously! I was all just a little unsettling, but the procedure went off without a hitch. They were able to remove a small sample from both sides of the mass. They were able to mark the area with an MRI safe clip so they could be sure where it was when they went back in, if they had to go back in. I even got to see my sample before it was sent out for analysis.
This is a picture of me, my ultra-sound technician and my sample. Bunkey really needs to practice with the digital camera! I think that the reality of the situation hit home when the doctor started to talk to me about being available to recieve a phone call in the next week and being prepared to talk about next steps.
I got very nervous. You see, in the past few months I have known just too many people who have been diagnosed with cancer. One friend passed within 10 days of diagnosis and another is currently in the hospital struggling to holding on to his one precious life. My dear friend Bunkey lives with cancer every day, anticipating a 2 week chemo regimen every month for the rest of her life. And the list goes on.
I tried so very hard to keep my head up, but the quiet moments by myself were difficult. Thank goodness I wasn't allowed too many! My thoughts weren't for me, I worried about Mark who cared for his first wife through her battle with cancer, why did he have to go through this again. I thought about my kiddos. Who would bear witness to their extraordinary lives and who would love them the way I do?
So, what was I grateful for yesterday? First of all, Mark. He was up with me in the morning, he packed my lunch, carried my bags to the car and volunteered to even drive me to work because my discharge directive was very clear, no lifting, bending or pushing of anything. Next, it was Laura who, as pregnant as she is, carried my bag into school and checked in on me throughout the day. My grade level partners were so supportive. We planned, discussed, deliberated and giggled. Being at school was a distraction that I needed. I was able to focus on my students and my team. Then there was Miss Kelly and Genny in the main office. Calling down, stopping in and being prepared to receive the phone call. My list could go on. I am grateful for every person I came in contact with on Thursday, they all helped me through the day.
I guess I could have said all that yesterday, but I was very afraid. Not to mention that my children did not even know that I had gone in for the biopsy.
Today I received the phone call from my doctor around 3pm, Friday free time in second grade. My students were busy decorating "striking" turkeys and the day was winding down. The report was negative. No cancer. "I am thrilled to give you this news, I really believed we were dealing with something more serious," she said.
It turns out that I had an interductal cyst that had ruptured and then solidified leaving me with an abnormal mass.
Today I am grateful for my doctor and the news that I received. I am feeling especially blessed this evening because today, I am one of the lucky ones.
